When we picture learning, we often imagine moments of triumph — mastering a concept, solving a problem, or achieving a goal. But the real work of learning happens somewhere much less glamorous: the messy, uncomfortable space between not knowing and knowing.
Dr. Becky, speaking at Duke University, names this space the learning space — and she identifies one powerful emotion that defines it: frustration.
Frustration is not a signal that something is wrong. It’s a sign that the brain is doing the heavy lifting of growth. It is, in fact, the very emotional signature of learning.
Learning Is Messy by Nature
In many classrooms — and in much of our culture — speed is celebrated. The faster a student grasps new material, the more talented they are presumed to be. But this mindset distorts the true nature of learning, suggesting that success means immediate understanding and ease.
In reality, real learning is slow and often painful. It requires wrestling with confusion, grappling with mistakes, and tolerating moments of not knowing. Frustration is not an enemy; it is a companion on the road to deeper knowledge.
At Voyagers’ Community School, this truth is deeply woven into our approach. We design learning environments that don’t seek to eliminate frustration but to support students through it. Our project-based, inquiry-driven model encourages risk-taking, reflection, and sustained effort — all within a community that validates emotional experience as much as academic progress. We honor not only what students achieve, but how they struggle to get there.
The Pain of the Learning Space
For students who strongly identify as “smart” or “good at school,” encountering frustration can feel like an identity threat. If knowing has become a source of self-worth, then not knowing feels intolerable.
This anxiety, triggered by frustration, tempts learners to exit — to give up, procrastinate, or avoid the task. But the discomfort itself is not a sign of failure. It is proof that learning is underway.
Understanding this can be empowering. When we redefine frustration not as a sign of inadequacy, but as evidence of growth, we open a new, healthier relationship with the learning process.
Advice for Parents and Educators:
Helping Students Stay in the Learning Space
- Normalize Frustration: Remind students that feeling frustrated is not a failure — it’s a sign they are learning something new.
Say: “This hard feeling means your brain is growing.” - Name It: When students struggle, help them identify the feeling: “You’re in the learning space right now. This is exactly what learning feels like.”
- Share Your Own Struggles: Tell stories about times you struggled to learn something new. Show them that frustration is universal.
- Value Effort, Not Speed: Praise persistence and effort more than fast results. Statements like “I’m proud of how hard you’re working” build resilience.
- Resist the Rescue Instinct: It’s tempting to step in and solve a student’s problem when they’re frustrated. Instead, encourage them to take small steps forward themselves.
Attribution: Insights referenced from a lecture by Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist, author of Good Inside, and founder of the parenting platform Good Inside. Portions of this reflection are inspired by her talk at Duke University.